Lovense Kraken — Test & Review

I struggled to rate the Kraken on design... There is a lot to love here in terms of design. The 6-pack came in a plastic egg cartoon (come on!), and they went whole-hog on the nautical theme. Not only are the Kraken tentacles on the outside fun, but they are also useful for gripping the toy. Even the inside textures are all nautical themed! However, where I struggled with "design" is that there wasn't much of a difference between each texture in terms of sensation. So while I feel like the thematic design really knocked it out of the park, the functional design took a real hit here, as I really wanted to like the sensation of this product more than I did. The irony of a nautical themed product being single use, and thus probably contributing to ocean pollution is also not lost on me...

It's not rocket science... or even nautical science... Lube up, and stroke... (although they still felt the need to include instructions...?). The lube package was a little difficult to apply to the product, and it was easy to make a mess. Clean-up is easy because it's single use: throw it out, shed a tear for the planet, then continue with your day. I have read that some people wash them out and use them a couple times before throwing them out... I didn't think that was worth the effort. It's a soft material, which I believe would not be the easiest to clean (plus the dangers of bacteria, as TPE is porous). The tentacles on the outside added a nice grip, which made stroking easier... And for those of you who want to pretend you're fucking an octopus, you're all set! (and yes, I know a Kraken is more like a squid...).

I can't really complain about the quality of the Kraken strokers. They are a single-use toy, after all. They're made to be used once, and they lived up to that expectation. Would I have liked them to be more durable so that they could be used over and over? Perhaps, but it's hard to fault a product for things it's not designed for.

I think this price point of the Lovense Kraken is right in the sweet spot of what other single-use strokers go for, however where it falls flat for me is price vs value. Sure they're cute... they make a great gift for your buddy in the navy... but other than that, I don't think the price warrants what I got out of this toy. The sensation really fell flat for me. Add in the fact that if you buy just one, you get a random texture. There is no way to choose which one texture you are buying. Not that I could tell the difference really between textures, but I would think that if you did find one you liked, you wouldn't want to have only a 1 in 6 chance of getting it.

This Kraken stroker did little more than provide a lubricated tube to have sex with. Did it feel good? I suppose... Did it make me orgasm? Yup, but so does my hand... and I can reuse my hand over and over again. I was excited to see the variety of inner texture, and was really hoping for some interesting sensations. I think I've felt more sensations from specialty condoms, which are also single use, but much cheaper.

Okay, this is where the Lovense Kraken shines, and this is why I was so disappointed with the performance. First off, eggs in a 6-pack egg carton... Well done. Secondly, they went all in on the nautical theme! Nautical name? "Kraken" -check. Themed outside design? "Kraken tentacles" - check. Themed inside textures? "Tridents, waves, and treasure chests... Oh my!" - check. They even named the textures with nautical names. I love when a company goes overboard in this way (pun totally intended). I just wish that the design had as much thought put into the actual sensation that this toy gives, as it was underwhelming, and didn't leave me drowning in desire (last pun...).

So, the Kraken eggs are a disposable toy. It's hard to rate a toy's quality when it's meant for one use. Listen, it's lasting for one use, for sure. The material is soft, pliable and durable. Maybe a stiffer material would have heighten the sensation... it's hard to say. Originally, I was going to try to clean it for a second use, but after playing with it, and seeing how long it would probably take me to properly clean the stroker, it just didn't seem worth it. Plus it's made from thermoplastic elastomer (TPE), which gives it is stretch, but is also a porous material, which is a breeding ground for bacteria. Another reason to just use it and dispose of it afterwards (like it's intended to be used)