Lovense Kraken Review

   Paul Miller
Apr 11, 2024


Paul Miller
: 47
: Intermediate
: Male
: Heterosexual
: Hot Octopuss Solo

  • like simple masturbation strokers
  • are looking for a cheap disposable option
  • want something discreet to travel with
  • have a nautical fetish

  • are looking for an exciting, new sensation
  • care about the environment
  • are specific in the sensations you enjoy

The Lovense Kraken egg masturbators are small, simple strokers designed for single use. They come in six different "textures", and are packaged discretely in a Kinder Egg style container. Each egg comes with it's own small package of lube, making each egg a self-contained masturbation experience.

Lovense Kraken -

Release the Kraken!

The Lovense Kraken is a disposable penis stroker built with seamen in mind (pun definitely intended). These egg shaped toys came in a variety 6-pack, packaged like an egg carton. Although there is no easy way to tell which egg is which from their packaging, they do come in six different varieties (ie: textures). With names like “tidal”, “harpoon” and “whirlpool”, they are definitely leaning in to the nautical theme. Made of soft, pliable TPE, these easily accommodate any sized member. The discreet white egg packaging (think large Kinder Egg, but with a very different prize inside) makes it easy to travel with. No awkward questions at the airport with this!

Integrated Nautical Theme

When I first opened the package and explored the toys, what struck me was how beautifully thematic the whole Kraken experience was. I’m not a boat-guy, but I imagine that someone who is into ocean hobbies would probably get hard just looking at these toys. Detailed tentacles grace the outside of each egg, while the inner texture is not just named with ocean themes, but the texture also has waves, or tridents, or ship wheels… The commitment to the theme really appealed to me.

A Sinking Ship…?

But… The experience of the Kraken fell flat. I enthusiastically chose the first egg to try and although it felt good, I couldn’t say that I noticed any of the texture. When trying other models, the same thing happened… They all kinds of felt the same: soft and squishy. In the end, I really wanted to like the Kraken because I loved how “all-in” they were on the design. I just wished they had spent more time field testing it, to make sure that the textures offered the variety they promised.

Lovense Kraken -

I struggled to rate the Kraken on design... There is a lot to love here in terms of design. The 6-pack came in a plastic egg cartoon (come on!), and they went whole-hog on the nautical theme. Not only are the Kraken tentacles on the outside fun, but they are also useful for gripping the toy. Even the inside textures are all nautical themed! However, where I struggled with "design" is that there wasn't much of a difference between each texture in terms of sensation. So while I feel like the thematic design really knocked it out of the park, the functional design took a real hit here, as I really wanted to like the sensation of this product more than I did. The irony of a nautical themed product being single use, and thus probably contributing to ocean pollution is also not lost on me...

Lovense Kraken -

It's not rocket science... or even nautical science... Lube up, and stroke... (although they still felt the need to include instructions...?). The lube package was a little difficult to apply to the product, and it was easy to make a mess. Clean-up is easy because it's single use: throw it out, shed a tear for the planet, then continue with your day. I have read that some people wash them out and use them a couple times before throwing them out... I didn't think that was worth the effort. It's a soft material, which I believe would not be the easiest to clean (plus the dangers of bacteria, as TPE is porous). The tentacles on the outside added a nice grip, which made stroking easier... And for those of you who want to pretend you're fucking an octopus, you're all set! (and yes, I know a Kraken is more like a squid...).

Lovense Kraken -

I can't really complain about the quality of the Kraken strokers. They are a single-use toy, after all. They're made to be used once, and they lived up to that expectation. Would I have liked them to be more durable so that they could be used over and over? Perhaps, but it's hard to fault a product for things it's not designed for.

Lovense Kraken - <

I think this price point of the Lovense Kraken is right in the sweet spot of what other single-use strokers go for, however where it falls flat for me is price vs value. Sure they're cute... they make a great gift for your buddy in the navy... but other than that, I don't think the price warrants what I got out of this toy. The sensation really fell flat for me. Add in the fact that if you buy just one, you get a random texture. There is no way to choose which one texture you are buying. Not that I could tell the difference really between textures, but I would think that if you did find one you liked, you wouldn't want to have only a 1 in 6 chance of getting it.

Lovense Kraken -

This Kraken stroker did little more than provide a lubricated tube to have sex with. Did it feel good? I suppose... Did it make me orgasm? Yup, but so does my hand... and I can reuse my hand over and over again. I was excited to see the variety of inner texture, and was really hoping for some interesting sensations. I think I've felt more sensations from specialty condoms, which are also single use, but much cheaper.

Lovense Kraken -

Okay, this is where the Lovense Kraken shines, and this is why I was so disappointed with the performance. First off, eggs in a 6-pack egg carton... Well done. Secondly, they went all in on the nautical theme! Nautical name? "Kraken" -check. Themed outside design? "Kraken tentacles" - check. Themed inside textures? "Tridents, waves, and treasure chests... Oh my!" - check. They even named the textures with nautical names. I love when a company goes overboard in this way (pun totally intended). I just wish that the design had as much thought put into the actual sensation that this toy gives, as it was underwhelming, and didn't leave me drowning in desire (last pun...).

Lovense Kraken -

So, the Kraken eggs are a disposable toy. It's hard to rate a toy's quality when it's meant for one use. Listen, it's lasting for one use, for sure. The material is soft, pliable and durable. Maybe a stiffer material would have heighten the sensation... it's hard to say. Originally, I was going to try to clean it for a second use, but after playing with it, and seeing how long it would probably take me to properly clean the stroker, it just didn't seem worth it. Plus it's made from thermoplastic elastomer (TPE), which gives it is stretch, but is also a porous material, which is a breeding ground for bacteria. Another reason to just use it and dispose of it afterwards (like it's intended to be used)

LengthStretches up to 7.9" inches
Texture6 different patterns
MaterialsTPE
WaterproofYes
Storage Bag IncludedPlastic egg cases and 6-pack holder
Colors AvailableWhite

Lovense Kraken -

  • Discreet (great for travel)
  • Each egg comes with its own lube
  • Fun design element and packaging
  • Easy to use

  • Disposable (and therefore wasteful)
  • Textures did not live up to their hype
  • Pricey for a one-time use toy
  • Can't choose which texture you're buying

Effective and simple, these strokers will get the job done, but any added "spice" was just salt and pepper, while I was hoping for cayenne or at least paprika. Single-use is problematic environmentally, but they get high points for creativity of design.

Lovense’s website does a great job at describing the features of this toy, which you can read here.  

The Kraken strokes are made to be single use. You could try and wash it, but I'm not sure how well they will hold up

Unfortunately, if buying only one egg, you get what you get.

This toy is very stretchy, and according to the website, can accommodate lengths of up to 7.9 inches

I highly recommend using lube, but luckily each egg comes with a small package of lube, making it an all in one toy.