Oxy Kali’s Teeth — Test & Review
Aaron Losey
- enjoy pain
- don't exactly enjoy pain, but need extra incentive not get hard without permission
- get excited about teeth and biting sensations
- want a great quality novel experience for a reasonable price
- don't like pain and want to avoid the possibility of pain
- don't have a penis
- lose small objects easily
- are squeamish about sharp objects
A little about this review; the intended use of Kali's Teeth is supposed to be an anti-erection and anti-masturbation device. You're supposed to put it on soft, and when you start to get hard, the pain is supposed to discourage you. Out of respect for you, as a reader, I need to tell you I am not reviewing it for its intended use. I can't. First of all, I'm way too much of a masochist. This never once acted as a deterrent for me. Second of all, I have a crippling fetish for sharp teeth and being bitten. This review isn't for people who are looking for bondage and denial. This review is for my fellow pain-loving weirdos who get all flustered seeing Dracula bite someone's neck, or feel their knees go weak when a werewolf bares their fangs (anyone remember the shark guy Kisame?). I've always dreamed of feeling someone's sharp teeth dig in to my flesh, daring to hope that it's as wonderful as I imagine. Kali's teeth gives a pretty clear answer, and the answer is yes.
Ouch
This hurts. This hurts a lot. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad without an erection, but I find it extremely difficult to prevent one while putting it on. The dozens of sharp metal bits hurt before you even get the thing fully closed. It can be difficult to find a spot that you can actually keep the device for more than a few seconds, due to the changing stiffness and width. It hurts wonderfully. It never feels like bodily-harm-hurt, just an immense superficial hurt. The pain actually goes away immediately once you open the device, which is amazing for those who only like pain when turned on.Ouch Ouch Ouch
You’re supposed to lock it shut though. The feeling of teeth buried into the soft tissue is so intense, that I was able to pick up every little shift of metal as the key hits the tumblers inside the lock. I recommend that you keep adjusting the device. There’s so many teeth that when you first try to put it on, there’s always going to be three or four that are just a little too close to a nerve to comfortably keep it locked. With how much of a difference the slightest change makes though, you’ll eventually start finding spots that work better for you. Once you get a spot that’s really …comfortable?… then you can lock it. Keep the key close, as it might change if the angle shifts.Ooooowwww
Once you get confident that you’re ready for it, and that it’s in a good spot, you can start putting the key down. The psychological effect of knowing it’s no longer convenient to get Kali’s Teeth off is staggering! In just that small way, you’re not as much in control anymore. You wanted to be bitten, and now the consequences are all yours. It’s very easy from here to imagine someone’s razor dentistry steadily mauling you in the most loving way possible.The Big Ouch
Do you dare to ejaculate with this thing on? Leaving Kali’s teeth locked, while erect, is already a feat. You know everything is going to dig in that much more. You know that the more turned on you get, the closer you get to that burst of pleasure, you’re also closer and closer to a moment of indescribable pain. If you’ve gotten this far though, it’s too late. How could you ever wimp out and reach for the key now? There is a certain point where the only way forward is to just give in. You have to embrace how much this is going to hurt, and let it carry you through.
Given the name "Kali's Teeth," I would have preferred if it looked more like teeth inside of a mouth. Regardless, I still feel my heart racing when I see it. It looks so sharp and dangerous, despite really being neither. It's deceptive in exactly the way you would want out of this. Functionally, Kali's Teeth is perfectly designed! One really surprising feature is that after a few minutes of having the metal spikes embedded in your soft tissue, the whole metal ring will have warmed up to your own body temperature. This adds so much to the fun!
How easy it is to use depends on a couple factors. In theory, it's stupidly simple to operate and doesn't require any effort. The only "hard" part is just how long you can tolerate it. However, there is an argument to be made that trying to put it on while erect, and having to adjust it to not spike anything too sensitive before you can lock it, counts as being difficult. It's not an issue for me, as you are still getting a good experience during that period, but it is technically an obstacle to getting the best out of Kali's Teeth.
Kali's Teeth is made of solid metal, and all of the teeth are very securely set into the ring. The lock is not the most secure, resistant lock out there, but that's more of a safety feature than a flaw. If you somehow lose all three keys, being able to bash the lock off is a necessity. The real ding against the toy here is the hinge mechanism. It's a little too loose; has too much perpendicular give to it. It can cause the precise position of the teeth to shift in a way you really don't want them to.
Kali's Teeth is only 54$! It's hard to find something exotic and niche like this at this price! This is a really good deal for astounding, agonizing sensations. At the same time, its simple design means that it really shouldn't be super expensive to manufacture in the first place. It doesn't need to cost an arm and a leg, and thankfully Oxy prices it accordingly.
Kali's Teeth performs very well, at least for my purposes. If we measure performance by how well of a deterrent or means of control it is, well, you'll just have to hope you or your sub isn't as turned on by the painful biting sensations. Personally though, I think you'd be missing out. It's too much fun to give in! It's perfect for teasing as well, because you can be assured that every little throb and twitch comes with a price to pay.
Everything comes wrapped in clear plastic, and tucked away inside the large storage bag. It's plenty discreet, and I think the look suits such a device very well. All three keys start on a single key-ring, I just found it more convenient to take off the key I've been using. I think some sort of container for having a consistent place to put a single key would be nice, but it's easy enough to get one myself. Oxy does a good enough job with what they provide here.
Oxy says Kali's Teeth is made from "medical-grade steel". This means it will almost never tarnish or rust. There is a chromium coating that will actually repair itself from small abrasions, keeping it looking shiny and new. It still has the same dazzling quality as when I first got it. You can just rinse it off, it doesn't need to be disinfected or anything. You can store it any way you like, but it does also come with a nice, black-cloth storage bag.
| Length | Teeth: 0.23 inches |
| Diameter | 1.69 inches |
| Materials | Medical-Grade Steel |
| Waterproof | Yes |
| Storage Bag Included | Yes |
| Colors Available | Silver or Gold |
- Easy to maintain
- Incredibly intense
- Little-to-no pain after you've had your fun
- Can help delay orgasm
- Looks thrilling
- Multiple copies of the key, just in case
- Technically not really mouth-shaped
- Hinge has some sideways give; may cause some slight pinching when closing it
It's addictive. Kali's Teeth hasn't left the side of my bed since I got it. It's downright essential. I wish I could recommend this to everyone. If you've ever had thoughts about piercing sensations in the bedroom, this is so much safer and easier than knife-play or needle-play, and should be the first place to look. There are no drawbacks, and no major flaws with this product.
