In this article, we’ll dive into what the latest research says about the ideal frequency of sexual activity for health and well-being. From understanding how much sex you should ideally be having, to exploring the effects of too much or too little sex, we cover it all.
We’ll also look at why sex is beneficial for your health, highlight some health-focused sex positions, and offer tips on how to increase both the quantity and quality of your sexual experiences.
Here’s what you can find in this article:
- How Much Sex Should You Have?
- How Much Sex Is Too Much?
- What Are the Effects of Not Having Enough Sex?
- Why Is Sex Good For Your Health?
- Sex Positions That’s Better Than Others In Terms Of Health
- How To Have More Sex?
- How To Have Better Sex?
Top Highlights
- How Much Sex Is Healthy?
Answer: There’s no right answer for how much sex you should have. The right amount depends on what feels best for you and your partner, as only you two truly understand your needs. - Can I have Too Much Sex?
Answer: Too much sex is subjective and based on personal feelings and impacts daily life. Watch for physical discomfort, mood changes, disruption in daily activities, and risky behaviors. - What Are the Effects of Not Having Enough Sex?
Answer: Reduced or absent sexual activity can impact physical health (like immune function and libido), emotional well-being (including stress, and self-esteem), relationship dynamics, and mental health. Effects vary per individual. - Why Is Sex Good For Your Health?
Answer: Sex benefits health by improving physical fitness, boosting the immune system, offering pain relief, enhancing heart health, reducing stress, improving sleep, supporting mental health, strengthening relationships, aiding reproductive health, and boosting self-esteem. - Which Sex Positions are Most Healthy?
Answer: Certain sex positions like Doggy Style, Reverse Cowgirl, Lotus Flower, Missionary, and Standing Positions not only enhance pleasure but also offer health benefits by working out different muscle groups, including core, pelvic muscles, abs, glutes, and leg muscles. - How To Have More Sex?
Answer: To have more sex, focus on open communication, increase intimacy, manage stress, lead a healthy lifestyle, prioritize sex, explore new things, seek professional help if needed, focus on foreplay, reduce distractions, and ensure mutual consent and comfort. - How To Have Better Sex?
Answer: Enhance your sexual experiences by focusing on open communication, investing in foreplay, experimenting, emphasizing pleasure over performance, strengthening emotional connections, educating yourself about sexual health, practicing mindfulness, managing stress, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and seeking professional help if necessary.
How Much Sex Should You Have?
There’s no correct answer to this question. Only what feels right for you and your partner(s), which is something the two of you know the best.
This finding is based on what the leading experts say:
Dr. Peter Kanaris, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in Smithtown, New York, says that couples shouldn’t worry about how often other people are having sex. He has seen couples who have a lot of sex and others who have very little. He believes that the key is sexual satisfaction, not matching a certain number.
“It’s better to focus on whether you’re happy with your sex life, rather than trying to meet an average number”.
Dr. Linda De Villers, a sex therapist and professor at Pepperdine, agrees with this. She says that feeling “normal” isn’t as important as feeling good about your sex life.
“The right amount of sex is the amount that makes you and your partner feel satisfied and happy”.
With this knowledge in mind, we’ve looked a bit at how many times couples have sex:
Example 1: Research from 2020 that has questioned 18-44 years old adults with a steady partner about their sexual activities:
Question: Do you have weekly intercourse?
| Men | Women | |
|---|---|---|
| Heterosexual | 50.8-55.8% | 52.6–57.2% |
| Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual | 32.8–53.7% | 44.7–59.2% |
Example 2: In a 2017 study featured in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers looked at the sexual habits of more than 26,000 people from 1989 to 2014. They discovered that, on average, adults have sex 54 times a year, which works out to about once a week.
Example 3: We at Bedbible have conducted our sex survey on this (here are the questions we asked) finding that people have sex a bit more than 1 time a week. Check how many times people said they had sex pr. week here.
Example 4: The same study from example 1 also found that the frequency of sexual activity for those who had one or two partners in the last year in 2012:
| Frequency | One Partner | Two partners |
|---|---|---|
| not at all | 6 | 0 |
| once or twice a year | 30 | 13 |
| once a month | 48 | 8 |
| 2–3 times a month | 98 | 11 |
| weekly | 90 | 9 |
| 2–3 times per week | 177 | 18 |
| 4 or more times per week | 58 | 18 |
Conclusion: So in other words the surveys show a lot of different weekly averages. Which makes a lot of sense since people have different preferences. So depending on who answered the questions some studies will have higher or lower averages compared to each other. And if you think about it, you’re friends also have intercourse with their partners at different amount of times. So this just understates the fact that it’s individual. Some want to have sex 5 times a week others 1 time a month. It varies and it depends on you and your partner. So don’t worry if you feel you have too little intercourse. It’s completely normal. This leads me to the question. Should you worry if you have sex 5 times a week or even more? We’ll go through this question in the next section.
Sources: Usatoday.com, Businessinsider.com, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, and link.springer.com
How Much Sex Is Too Much?
You can’t have too much sex unless you feel so. In other words, it’s 100% up to you to decide whether you are having too much intercourse. It’s in theory not dangerous for your health to have intercourse a lot of times. But remember to listen to your body.
Here are a few signs you can question yourself to check if you’ve having too much intercourse:
- It hurts.
- It doesn’t feel right for you and you’re not in the mood.
- Your sexual activities impact your daily life (you might want to investigate if you’re a sex addict).
- Having a lot of sex with different partners but without protection. This increases the risk of STIs and other health issues.
Source: Health Shots
What Are the Effects of Not Having Enough Sex?
The effects of not having enough sex can vary greatly from person to person, but there are several common aspects to consider. It’s important to remember that ‘enough’ sex is subjective and differs for each individual based on their needs and circumstances.
Here are some potential effects of a reduced frequency or absence of sexual activity:
- Physical Effects:
- Decreased Immune Function: Regular sexual activity is believed to boost the immune system.
- Changes in Libido: Lack of sexual activity might lead to a decreased libido for some, while others may experience an increase in desire.
- Impact on Reproductive Health: In men, prolonged abstinence can affect sperm health. In women, it might affect menstrual cycle regularity and vaginal health.
- Emotional and Psychological Effects:
- Increased Stress and Anxiety: Sex can be a stress reliever due to the release of endorphins. The absence of sexual activity might lead to higher levels of stress and anxiety for some individuals.
- Impact on Self-Esteem: For some, reduced sexual activity can affect self-esteem and feelings of desirability.
- Relationship Strain: In relationships, a mismatch in sexual activity can lead to tension, misunderstanding, or feelings of neglect.
- Social and Relational Effects:
- Reduced Intimacy: Regular sexual activity can enhance emotional bonding in relationships, so a decrease might affect the level of intimacy.
- Communication Issues: It may lead to challenges in communicating needs and desires between partners.
- Mental Health:
- Mood Changes: Sex contributes to the release of hormones like dopamine and oxytocin, which boost mood. Lack of sexual activity might lead to mood swings or feelings of sadness.
It’s essential to understand that these effects are not universal and can vary greatly. Some individuals might not experience any negative effects from reduced sexual activity. The key is to recognize personal needs and preferences and, in the context of a relationship, to communicate openly with your partner. If concerns about sexual health or well-being arise, consulting a healthcare professional or a therapist can provide personalized guidance and support.
Source: Journals.sagepub.com
Why Is Sex Good For Your Health?
Sexual activity is often associated with various health benefits, contributing positively to both physical and mental well-being.
Here are some key reasons why sex is considered good for your health:
- Physical Fitness: Sexual activity can be a form of physical exercise, contributing to cardiovascular health and muscle strengthening. It can help burn calories and increase heart rate.
- Boosts Immune System: Regular sexual activity is believed to boost the body’s immune response, leading to better defense against germs and viruses.
- Pain Relief: During sex, the body releases endorphins, which are natural painkillers. This can help alleviate headaches, arthritis pain, or menstrual cramps.
- Improved Heart Health: Studies have suggested that regular sexual activity may reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, thanks to its benefits on heart rate and blood pressure.
- Stress Reduction: Sexual activity, especially involving orgasm, can lead to the release of endorphins and other hormones that reduce stress and promote relaxation.
- Better Sleep: The relaxation that follows sexual activity, thanks in part to the release of prolactin and oxytocin, can promote better sleep.
- Enhanced Mental Health: Regular sexual activity is linked to improved mood and may help reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety in some individuals.
- Strengthened Relationships: For couples, sex can enhance emotional bonding and intimacy, contributing to a stronger, healthier relationship.
- Improved Reproductive Health: Regular ejaculation in men can reduce the risk of prostate cancer. For women, sexual activity can improve vaginal health and regulate menstrual cycles.
- Boosted Self-Esteem: Engaging in sexual activity can increase feelings of self-worth and desirability, positively impacting mental and emotional health.
It’s important to note that while sex has these potential benefits, it’s only one aspect of a healthy lifestyle. Good health also depends on a balanced diet, regular exercise, adequate sleep, and stress management. Moreover, safe sexual practices are crucial to prevent sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies. As with any health-related matter, individual experiences and benefits can vary, and it’s important to consider personal circumstances and preferences.
Sex Positions That’s Better Than Others In Terms Of Health
Sex should never be boring. It needs to be exciting, and this is why you can try various sex positions to spice it up. The different sex positions (if you don’t like the ones below then read our post about sex positions here) not only bring pleasure and closeness, but they also have some health benefits. They include:
Doggy Style
The partner penetrating kneels or stands back from the receptive partner. This allows easy penetration into the vagina. With doggy style, you give your core a sufficient workout.
Reverse Cowgirl
The penetrating partner will have to lie on their back while being straddled by a receptive partner who is on top and facing away. This sex position engages the pelvic muscles, abs, and posterior, hence exercising them.
Lotus Flower
Both partners sit while intertwined and facing each other. The penetrating partner sits while crossing their legs, and the receptive partner sits on top. The core offers stabilization while the glutes help in thrusting, enhancing fitness.
Missionary
The man who is penetrating goes on top of the woman who is lying on her back. They both face each other while engaging in sex. This is one of the most common sexual positions. It helps work the core of both partners while they are both thrusting.
Standing Positions
The partner penetrating will have to lift the receptive one. This position requires one to use their arms, upper legs, and core; hence, a lot of energy is used, thus improving leg muscles. It is suitable for men who are tall and well-built.
Suspended Congress:
The Cliff Diver:
How To Have More Sex?
Improving the frequency of sexual activity, especially in a way that is healthy and mutually satisfying, involves several key factors. Here are some tips on how to have more sex:
- Open Communication: The first step is often open and honest communication with your partner about your desires and needs. Discussing sexual preferences, fantasies, and concerns can help both partners feel more connected and understood.
- Increase Intimacy: Building emotional intimacy can lead to an increase in sexual activity. Spend quality time together, share feelings, and create romantic moments. Non-sexual physical touch like hugging, cuddling, and kissing can also enhance closeness.
- Manage Stress: High-stress levels can significantly impact libido. Engaging in stress-reducing activities such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies can improve overall well-being and sexual desire.
- Healthy Lifestyle: Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can increase energy levels and improve body image, both of which can boost libido.
- Prioritize Sexual Activity: In busy lifestyles, it may be helpful to schedule sex. While it might seem unromantic, it ensures that both partners prioritize and make time for sexual activity.
- Explore New Things: Trying new things in the bedroom, such as different positions, role-playing, or exploring mutual fantasies can reignite passion and increase sexual frequency.
- Seek Professional Help: If low libido or other sexual issues are a concern, consulting a healthcare provider or sex therapist can provide guidance and treatment options.
- Focus on Foreplay: Investing time and effort in foreplay can enhance sexual arousal and desire for both partners.
- Reduce Distractions: Minimize distractions like electronics in the bedroom to create a more inviting and focused space for intimacy.
- Mutual Consent and Comfort: Always ensure that any increase in sexual frequency is mutually desirable and consensual. Comfort and consent are paramount in any healthy sexual relationship.
Remember, the goal is not just to have more sex, but to have fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experiences. Quality often outweighs quantity, and a satisfying sexual relationship is about mutual enjoyment and connection
How To Have Better Sex?
Having better sex involves a combination of physical, emotional, and psychological factors. It’s about enhancing the quality of sexual experiences rather than just focusing on frequency or performance. Here are some tips for improving the quality of your sexual encounters:
- Communication: Openly discuss your sexual desires, preferences, and concerns with your partner. Honest communication can help you both understand each other’s needs and desires better.
- Foreplay: Invest time in foreplay. This can include kissing, touching, and oral sex. Foreplay helps in building arousal and makes the sexual experience more enjoyable for both partners.
- Experimentation: Be open to trying new things, whether it’s different sexual positions, exploring fantasies, or introducing sex toys (find a review of the best sex toys for couples here or if you are looking for something else take a look here). Variety can add excitement and discover new ways of pleasure.
- Focus on Pleasure, Not Performance: Shift the focus from performance or achieving orgasm to enjoying the journey. Pay attention to the sensations and the pleasure of being intimate.
- Emotional Connection: Strengthen the emotional bond with your partner. A strong emotional connection often leads to more fulfilling sexual experiences.
- Educate Yourself: Learning more about sexual health and techniques can improve your sexual experiences. Read books, watch educational videos, or attend workshops.
- Mindfulness and Presence: Being mentally present during sex, instead of letting your mind wander, can intensify the experience. Practices like mindfulness can help you stay focused on the moment.
- Stress Management: Since stress can be a major libido killer, finding ways to manage stress effectively can improve your sex life. This might include exercise, yoga, meditation, or other relaxation techniques.
- Healthy Lifestyle: General health has a significant impact on sexual health. A balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep can improve libido and performance.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: If there are persistent issues affecting your sex life, such as erectile dysfunction, pain during sex, or low libido, consulting a healthcare professional or a sex therapist can be beneficial.
Remember, better sex is not just about physical techniques; it’s also about emotional connection, mutual respect, and understanding. What works best will differ for each person and each couple, so it’s important to keep an open mind and maintain ongoing communication with your partner.
