Being able to tune into your partner and learn how to rub her clit in all the right ways is a skill that will get you far in life, well in the bedroom at least!
Becoming cliterate not only involves understanding the different ways to touch a clitoris, but it also requires being able to communicate with your partner and respond to their cues.
Lucky for you, we’ll go over both things and much, much more. Plus, I’ll share my favorite finger vibrator and bullet vibrator to give your clit rubbing a pleasure boost.
You to can become a member of the clitterati with this complete and comprehensive guide to clit rubbing!
If you are in a time-pressured, clit-rubbing emergency, I’ve put together the quick version for you, but I highly recommending reading the full post for a comprehensive understanding of all things clitoral pleasure.
Here’s what you can find in this post:
- How to rub her clit — the quick version
- Clitoris anatomy
- Preparing to rub her clitoris
- Clit touching techniques
- Pro tips for more pleasure
- The best sex toys for clitoral stimulation
- More adventurous clit rubbing techniques
How to rub her clit — the quick version
- Foreplay is a must. Going straight for the clit can be uncomfortable or painful and misses out on a whole lot of pleasure! Enjoy some passionate kissing, and tease their other erogenous zones first.
- Use lube to allow your fingers to glide over their vulva and prevent friction. Glycerin-free water-based lubrication is usually a safe bet!
- Stimulate around the clitoris to build arousal. Kiss and massage their thighs, stroke their labia and around their clitoris.
- Start out with less pressure and only increase it as they like. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner if they want it softer or harder.
- Explore different strokes over or around the clitoris to see what they enjoy.
- Respond to your partner’s cues and adjust your technique accordingly.
- Take the pressure off giving your partner an orgasm and focus on giving them pleasure!
Clitoris Anatomy
Before you can rub the clit, you must first find the clit. Not only that, it’s important to understand the structure of the clitoris, as there is much more to this pleasure center than meets the eye, literally!
The small nub we know and love is just the tip of the whole clitoral network. The whole structure is much larger and extends inside the body, wrapping around the urethral canal and vaginal canal.
We’ve got a whole guide to clitoris in all its glory, but I’ll give you a run down of the basics right here.
A 2022 study estimates that the clitoris contains an average of 10,281 nerve fibers innervate the glans clitoris. That’s a whole lot of sensation for a relatively small body part!
When aroused the erectile tissues in the clitoral shaft, bulb, and crura swell, becoming more sensitive to stimulation.
Here’s what it all looks like from the outside…
It’s all good in the clitoral hood
The clitoral hood is a sensitive area of skin that protects the clitoris. If your partner is very sensitive, you can stimulate them through the clitoral hood to reduce the intensity.
The clitoral glans
You can find the clitoral glans above the urethral opening, tucked inside the clitoral hood. This is one of the main areas you will be touching when you rub her clit. However, there are always ways to stimulate internal parts of the clitoral structure as well!
Labia lovin
The labia are also very sensitive and can feel incredibly pleasurable when touched, so make sure to pay them some attention, both during foreplay and as you rub her clit!
Clitoral sensitivity
Every clitoris has a different level of sensitivity, so what might have felt good for one partner could be too intense or not intense enough for another. People with a less sensitive clitoris might need more intense pressure or vibrations to reach orgasm while those with a highly sensitive clitoris might prefer a light touch.
Some people also experience clitoral sensitivity to the point that direct stimulation is painful and overwhelming, in which case, you try stimulating around the clitoris and labia instead.
Preparing to rub her clit
1. Approach it with the right attitude
There can be a lot of performance anxiety when it comes to pleasuring a partner. Many people can feel like they have to give their partner an orgasm.
However, this goal oriented attitude can take you out of the moment, meaning you feel less connected with your partner.
I would also advise against telling your partner you want them to orgasm, as although well-intention, it can make them feel pressured.
Instead, it’s much better to focus on the experience of pleasure. Plus, when you aren’t distracted, you will also be more attentive and responsive to their cues.
You should also be open to feedback, both the positive and negative. Remember that if your partner says they don’t enjoy something, it’s not a criticism of you, it’s just your partner sharing what does or doesn’t feel good for them.
2. Get ready to rub her clit
There isn’t a whole lot of preparation need before clitoral stimulation but there are a few, small steps to check off:
- Make sure you have clean hands and short nails.
- Have some lube on hand to allow your fingers to glide over their clitoris and prevent friction.
- Grab any toys or tools you will be using .
3. Before you rub her clit, enjoy some non-clitoral foreplay
For most vulva owners, the clitoris needs time to warm up before any direct stimulation. Going straight for the clit can be unpleasant, so spend some time getting your partner nice and aroused!
Before you rub her clit, take a tour of her erogenous zones with some passionate making out, kissing her neck, showing her nips some love, or whatever she enjoys to get them in the mood!
When the temperatures are really rising, you can head further down but still don’t touch her clitoris just yet! The teasing and build up can feel intoxicating and will make the clitoral stimulation feel so much better when the time comes!
- Massage, lick, or lightly bite their inner thighs
- Run your lubricated fingers up and down their labia
- Lightly blow air over their vulva
Finally, when they are really hot and bothered, you are ready to show the clitoris the attention it desires!
How to rub her clit — clitoris touching techniques
Before you get stuck in learning these techniques by heart like some kind of cheat code combo, clitoral stimulation really is a different strokes for different folks kind of thing!
Some people crave direct stimulation while other people are too sensitive. The only real way to know is to communicate with your partner. Sure you can try these techniques but only they can tell what actually feels good!
And whichever clit teasing technique you use, for the love of clit, ALWAYS USE LUBE!
If you aren’t sure you are in the right spot, ask your partner to show you where it feels good. If anything, your partner will be impressed that you care enough about their pleasure to find out! You can have them guide your fingers to wherever feels good for them!
V-Stroke
This is great for people who don’t enjoy direct clitoral stimulation or as a warm up stroke.
Use a lubed up finger to slide around the clitoris in a v-shape, going down one side, back up and down the other. You can extend the stroke down each side of the labia as well.
You can also use two fingers to slide down both sides at the same time.
Circling
This is another great technique that doesn’t have to involve direct contact.
Take a lubed finger and slide it around the clitoris in circles. You can start with bigger circles and gradually work in close toward the clitoris or vary the size.
Side to side or up and down
This is probably what most people think of when they think about rubbing clitoris — either sliding the finger in a side to side motion over the clitoris or up and down.
This is more intense than the first two techniques, as it involves direct stimulation, so make sure your partner is into it!
Also, don’t go all in with pressure and speed, be gentle and let your partner guide you into more pressure as they want.
Tapping
This is another direct stimulation that involves rhythmically tapping on your partner’s clitoris.
Lightly tap your partner’s clitoris with the pad of your fingertip. You can then ask your partner if the want it harder or slower/faster.
Broad stimulation
Some people prefer pinpoint stimulation, like you get with a bullet vibrator, while others prefer broad stimulation, like a magic wand vibrator.
The same goes for using fingers! If your partner prefers broad stimulation, you can try using two or three fingers together instead of one.
A pleasant pinch
This technique focuses the stimulation on the internal clitoral shaft, which can also feel very pleasurable.
Go behind the clitoral glans and find the clitoral shaft with your thumb and index finger. You can lightly squeeze it and make very gentle movements.
How to know if your partner is enjoying what you are doing
One of the most important aspects of pleasuring a partner is being able to find out if they are really enjoying what you are doing!
Here are some ways to get that vital information:
- Ask them! This may seem overly simplistic but the best way to find out is to ask. Asking more specific questions, like is that where you like it, or do you want more pressure, can make it easier for your partner.
- Get them to show you. Get your partner to show you exactly what they like. Either you can watch them masturbate or you can let them guide your hand.
- Pay attention to their body language. If your partner is arching their back and pushing their hips towards you, this can signal that they are enjoying what you are doing or that they want more intensity. If they are pulling away or trying to reposition their hips, it could indicate that they aren’t enjoying it or you aren’t quite in the right spot.
- Listen to the sounds they make and check their facial expressions. Do they seem happy and lost in pleasure or are they
While body language can give you some indication, people have different ways of expressing pleasure, so the only real way to know is to ask!
Pro tips for even more pleasure when you rub her clit
As well as figuring out which techniques your partner enjoys the most, I’ve got another couple of tips to take your clit rubbing game to the next level.
- Start out low, slow and indirect and work up to more intense stimulation as your partner desires.
- Don’t rush ahead to the climax. Slow down and give your partner time to enjoy the whole range pleasurable sensations. The whole vulva can be wonderfully sensitive so spend some time stimulating different parts of it!
- Explore different positions, such as using a sex pillow to prop your partner’s hips up.
- If they are getting close to orgasm and they say ‘don’t stop’ or ‘keep going’ you should stick to the same technique, same speed, same pressure — whatever it is you are doing, keep doing that.
- As your partner orgasms, don’t stop instantly, slow down, ease of a little but maintain contact unless they ask you not to or pull away.
- Experiment with temperature play by using a slightly melted ice cube or gently heat or cool a glass wand or metal dildo.
Want to hone your skills even more? Keep reading for more pro tips…
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While you rub her clit, add in some internal clitoral stimulation
This involves stimulation of the internal clitoral structure through the wall of the vagina, more commonly known as g-spot stimulation!
See what we refer to as the g-spot, is actually thought to be stimulating the internal clitoris through the front wall of the vagina.
For most vulva owners, this sensitive sweet spot will be a few inches in, on the front wall of the vagina, but everyone is different, so the only way to find out is to ask your partner.
It can feel intensely pleasurable to have both the internal and external parts of the clitoris stimulated at the same time, so as you rub her clit, you can also try inserting a finger or two inside her vagina and stroking the front wall of her vagina.
Unlock intense G-spot pleasure with School of Squirt
If your partner enjoys very intense g-spot stimulation, School of Squirt cover more vigorous techniques in their Squirting Triggers 2.0 course.
The course takes you through fingering techniques that can help your partner experience a squirting orgasm. However, while this course is very squirting-focuses, this should never be the main goal — it should only be about pleasure!
When using these more intense forms of stimulation, please take it slowly and remember to check in with your partner to make sure they are enjoying it!
The best sex toys for clitoral stimulation
Using sex toys when you rub her clit helps you to keep things exciting and allows your partner to experience new sensations. Together your fingers and sex toys can form a powerful alliance in the fight for more pleasure!
Here are a few of my favorite clitoral stimulators to add to your repertoire!
Dame Fin
The Dame Fin slips onto your fingers, turning them into a vibrator! This finger vibrator is incredibly intuitive to use, making it great for using on your partner!
Lovense Exomoon
The Lovense Exomoon is a powerful bullet vibrator that can add a real boost to your finger play! Plus, you can use it long distance to pleasure your partner from anywhere in the world!
Uberrime The Rosea
This beautiful silicone Rose Grinder from Uberrime is lovely and squishy and perfect for grinding. The rose petals create a delicious texture that feels amazing with a slick of lube!
How to rub her clit during sex
The majority of vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so being able to rub her clit during penetration will increase the chance of orgasm for many people. The best sex positions for this are ones that give you easy access to her clitoris or allow her to grind against your body. Here are a few to try:
The Cowgirl
With your partner on top, you can easily reach their clitoris, especially if they lean back slightly. You can use your finger or thumb to rub her clitoris or even just provide some pressure for her to grind against as she moves her hips.
If your partner enjoys vibrations, a c-shaped vibrator, like the We-Vibe Chorus is great here!
Spooning
This cosy intimate position is another clit-friendly option. As you are snuggle up, you can reach around to your partner’s clitoris and use a well lubed finger or two to rub it.
If you can’t reach their clit or you want some extra power, you can use curved g-spot vibrator, like the Dame Arc, against their clitoris.
The Kneeling Fox
This is another position that you can reach around to rub her clit during sex. As well as rubbing, you can also use your fingers to provide pressure for your partner to rub against.
Take it up a notch with a bullet vibrator or magic wand vibrator for more intense stimulation.
The Coital Alignment Technique
If you want to give your partner some extra clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex without using your hands, I recommend trying the coital alignment technique.
It’s similar to missionary but the penetrating partner’s hips are higher on their partner’s body, so that their penis or dildo points down into the vagina.
As you rock back and forth, the base of your penis can grind against their clitoris.
