Whether you are thinking about having sex for the first time or your just looking for ways to improve your sex life, it’s totally natural to wonder how to have amazing sex. After all, not many of us ever get taught about the ins and outs of pleasure! That’s where this sex tutorial comes in!
I’m going to take you through a complete sex guide that’s full of everything you need to know about having safe and satisfying sex! This is an inclusive guide for everyone, no matter your gender or genitals.
If you are in a hurry, here are the main components of great sex. I’ll cover each one in more detail in the full sex tutorial below:
- Preparation — Build your sex kit full of the essentials and keep on top of personal hygiene so you are always ready!
- Communication & consent — Understand how to communicate with your partner and what true consent means
- Building arousal — Start the foreplay outside the bedroom with lots of flirting, sexting, touching and kissing
- Outercourse — Explore your partner’s erogenous zones to get them in the mood
- Intercourse — Learn how to have pleasurable penetrative sex of all kinds
- Aftercare — Enjoy some aftercare together to ride the post-sex high and enhance intimacy
What even is ‘great sex?’
On a very basic level great sex should be safe and satisfying for everyone involved. It’s also a misconception that great sex is a given — much like anything else in life, it’s a skill that needs to be learned and taking an online sexual class is a great way to start having better sex!
Everyone has a slightly different idea of what makes great sex, and it’s totally normal for that to change over time or in different contexts. For example, some days great sex might mean slow, sensual sex whereas others it might be a passionate quickie.
- Great sex should be consensual, safe, and pleasurable.
- Having an orgasm doesn’t equal great sex. You can have great sex without having and orgasm and vice versa.
- Great sex doesn’t have to involve penetration — there are plenty of different ways to have great sex! More on that below!
It’s also ok for sex not to be amazing every time. Sex is messy and unpredictable, and there are so many factors that influence how good it is, such as our mental or emotional state on the day, how connected we feel to our partner, if we are distracted, any medication we are taking, or how well we slept.
However, if you do find that you are unable to orgasm at all during sex, check out this post that answers the question — Why can’t I cum?
How to Have Great Sex — A Full Sex Tutorial
1. Be Prepared
Make a sex kit
Keep a kit of everything you need next to your bed, so you don’t have to run around looking for things in the heat of the moment. Exactly what you need will vary from person to person, but here are some sex essentials to have on hand:
- Any birth control and STI prevention methods you need, such as condoms, female condoms, or dental dams. If you sleep with different partners, it’s a good idea to keep a selection of different types and sizes of barrier methods, as well as some latex free options, on hand.
- Lubrication makes all sexual activities feel so much better and is especially important for vaginal or anal penetration. Check out our lube guide to find out which type is best for you.
- Tissues or wet wipes and towel in case you need a quick clean-up mid session. Sex is messy but having these on hand means you can clean up and get back to it nice and quickly!
- Any sex toys you use during sex such as a strap-on, cock ring, or vibrator.
Keep on top of hygiene
It’s important to stay on top of personal hygiene, as you won’t always know when you are going to have sex in advance! That means showering regularly and making sure to clean your genitals thoroughly to prevent any build up of discharge. You should also change your bedding regularly to keep everything fresh and clean!
2. Establish communication and consent
Before you get undressed and get down to it, you need to be able communicate clearly with your partner. It’s also important to make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to consent. Here are a few things you should discuss:
- STI status — If you are having sex with new partner or you are having sex with multiple partners, you should discuss your STI status, so you can decide on what protection methods to use.
- Sexual preferences and boundaries — Great sex, whether it’s a hook up or long-term relationship, relies on being able to communicate what you do and don’t like in the bedroom. For example, this could mean saying that you would love have oral sex but you don’t want penetrative sex today.
What is True Consent?
As a bare minimum, consent should satisfy all the criteria in the FRIES model:
- Freely given — the person should not feel pressured or coerced
- Reversible — consent can be taken back at any time
- Informed — the person must be given all necessary information
- Enthusiastic — they must really want to do it for their own pleasure
- Specific — you must get consent for each activity
Diving deeper into the dynamics of consent can really strengthen intimacy and understanding with long-term sexual partners. Beducated have an amazing course on the Wheel of Consent that explores the more nuanced aspects of consent.
In the course you can learn more about how the dynamics of giving and receiving, as well as how to follow feelings of pleasure to work out what you actually desire during sex.
3. Build Arousal
The next part of this sex tutorial is all about getting you and your partner mentally aroused and in the mood for some great sex. Playing the long-game when it comes to building arousal really pays off! I’m talking all day, if not more!
Feeling turned on builds anticipation and excitement and makes it much easier for the brain and body to get ready for sex when the time comes. Here are my favorite ways to tease each other and work up your sexual appetite:
- Flirt and be playful
- Give compliments that are meaningful to them
- Put on something sexy and tease your partner
- Savour lingering kisses with some sexy eye contact
- Enjoy teasing touches — a lingering sexy touch to the lower back, inner thigh or butt can let your partner know how much you want them
- Send them a sexy message or sexy picture or leave them a sexy note
Unlock your inner flirt with pro flirting tips and much more check out Beducated’s Roadmap to Intimacy course.
Increase your confidence and learn how to get enhance physical and emotional intimacy in all areas of your relationship!
4. Become an outercourse expert
The next part of this sex tutorial focuses on what most people refer to as foreplay, but that does it an injustice, IMHO! Outercourse does make for amazing foreplay and is an absolute must if you plan on having penetrative, but it can also make for a very pleasurable main event!
Master the art of sensual kissing
Getting lost in a good kiss can excite your whole body and really get temperatures rising, and it lets your partner know just how into them you are!
A bad kiss, on the other hand, can really take you out of the moment and be a bit of a mood killer.
You want your kiss to feel like a passionate dance, not mouth to mouth combat. Start soft and slow and use your hands to caress their face or run your fingers through their hair. A things heat up, you can gently suck or nibble on their lower lip or let your tongue gently meet theirs.
Most importantly, be in the moment with your partner and try respond to their body language.
Explore their erogenous zones
Your body is covered in erogenous zones that can feel incredible when stimulated in different ways! Start by exploring non-genital erogenous zones to really build the sexual tension and excitement! This teasing will have you both desperate to get to it, but it’s really worth the wait!
You can give your partner a full-body sexy massage or try some of the ideas below to show their whole bod some love.
5. Move onto genital stimulation
After all the passionate kissing and slow teasing, you are both likely to be feeling hot and heavy and ready for more! As well as feeling in the mood, all of this touching will increase blood flow to your vulva or penis, engorging the erectile tissue and making it more sensitive and ready for direct stimulation. Vulva owners will also ‘get wet’ as the vagina produces natural lubrication.
Need some extra tips to turn on your vulva-owning partner? Edwina’s got you covered with a whole post on how to make a girl wet!
Once you are both worked up and turned on, you are ready for to slowly start teasing your partner’s penis or vulva. Again, start slow and light and gently tease each other letting that intoxicating tension build!
- Use your hands to stroke and massage your partner’s penis or vulva. Start out with lighter stroking movements and slowly increase the speed and pressure as your partner likes. Don’t forget a generous slick of lube! Check out Edwina’s top tips how to finger a woman to take your fingering game to the next level!
- Enjoy some oral sex. Use your mouth and tongue to kiss, lick, and suck your partner penis or clitoris and labia. The wetness and warmth of oral sex can feel intensely pleasurable!
- Let your genitals rub against each other without penetration. This is known as frottage, which although doesn’t sound very sexy, can be very pleasurable. This definitely requires a good amount of lube to prevent friction though!
- Mutual masturbation is another great option that involves each person touching themselves while watching each other. Not only do you get a sexy show, but you also get to see exactly how each other likes to be touched!
- If your partner has a vulva, be sure to check out this amazing post all about how to make her cum!
Beducated have an amazing array of courses to help you level up your outercourse skills. Not only will this help you feel more confident in the bedroom, but your partner(s) are bound to appreciate your new found talents too! Here are some of my favorites for fantastic foreplay — you get access to them all when you sign up!
You might decide that oral sex, or handjobs and fingering are the main dish for the day and choose to finish here for the day, and if you do, you can skip the next section and go right on to the section on aftercare for the last step in this sex tutorial.
6. Learn how to have great intercourse
After lots of steamy foreplay, you can move onto intercourse (penetrative sex). Penetrative sex can involve a penis, strap-on, dildo, or fingers and it can be anal or vaginal. No matter which type of intercourse you go for, here’s how to make it more pleasurable for both partners:
- Use lube! Friction is not your friend when it comes to having great sex so lube up and reapply as necessary!
- Don’t neglect the other erogenous zones! Use your hands and mouth to give those other erogenous zones some love! The majority of vulva owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm so don’t forget about the clit during penetrative sex! A bullet vibrator or couple’s vibrator are great for added clit stimulation!
- Use a sex pillow, like the Liberator Jaz, to find the perfect angle. Adjusting the angle can be a game changer when it comes to pleasure, as you can direct your partner’s penis or dildo to hit your g-spot, a-spot, or prostate for more intense pleasure!
- Explore different positions. This can also help with finding the right angle and depth of penetration and allow you to explore each other’s bodies in different ways.
- Direct your partner in what feels good and what you want them to do. While your partner can get some clues from your body language, the best way to get what you want is to simply ask for it. Make it sexy by whispering in their ear exactly what you want them to do.
Having penetrative sex that feels amazing for both partners can be a bit of a learning curve! Luckily, there are lot of great courses out there to help you take your penetrative play to new levels of pleasure! These are some of the best courses on Beducated to maximise pleasure for both partners.
7. Don’t skip the aftercare
The final stage in this sex tutorial often gets overlooked but it is a vital part of great sex! Great sex doesn’t stop when you’ve had an orgasm or had your fill of fun.
Sex is a wonderfully intimate but vulnerable experience that also releases a flood of chemical into the body, making us feel a whole range of emotions.
Aftercare helps us to ride that wave of emotions smoothly and is a great way to connect with you partner and bring you even closer. It also creates a feeling of safety and support that will help your sex life get even better!
This is something that many people skip over, but it can have so many amazing benefits, so next time you have sex try a couple of the idea below and see for yourself!
Here are some aftercare ideas to try:
- Get under a cosy blanket or duvet and cuddle
- Enjoy some food or drink together
- Jump in the shower and help each other get clean
- Talk about the sex you had — what did you love about it and what didn’t you enjoy so much